---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      
 FACEBOOK BUTTON    INSTAGRAM BUTTON    BLOGLOVIN BUTTON     PINTEREST BUTTON
    YOUTUBE BUTTON    TWITTER BUTTON       
----------------------

The Now

So many thoughts are whirring around in my head.  I read a post the other day from a mother who had to send her baby off to be with Jesus.  As tears rolled down my face, I think about what kind of mom I am... in this moment, what kind of mom am I? 
I would probably be considered one of those "paranoid" moms who keeps her little chicks right next to her- holding hands at all times.  Actually, I am not considered that mom- I AM that mom.


"Liz, you have to let go.  Don't hold on to them so tight," people tell me.  I get it. Really, I do.  But, I never want to be the mom who has to thank God for those too few moments with her child.  What mom dreams about that?  None- not one. 
 I hold my kids tight.  I don't make any apologies for that.  I won't even apologize to them when they get older (they might have a "mommy complex" later in life).  I keep them close because my heart can't stand the thought that I gave away one minute with them.  


I don't stay-at-home with them because that is what I was told to do.  I stay with them because God has put a burning desire in my heart to shelter, lead, love, and minister to them.  I have a lifetime ahead of me to look back and scrutinize how I could have done it better, or different.  But, right now, I only have these now moments.  When I look ahead and dream of how things will one day be, I really am playing the lottery.  


My babes aren't promised to me for a lifetime.  They are only promised to me for the moment. 
 I ponder on that as I am overwhelmed and on the verge of tears.  I remember that as I am wondering how I am going to love these babies through all my scars and faults.  I dwell on that as I am exhausted from nights of little sleep and a house full of fannies that need to be cleaned.  


With all the thoughts whirring in my head, I keep settling on the mom who buried her baby.
What would she tell me to spend my time doing?  
What wisdom would she give me about days to come?
I am sure there are days when she lives in the past- celebrating and soaking up those too few moments with her little one.
  I am sure she looks to the future- imagining what her precious blessing would have been.  Whose eyes she would've had.  What her grandchildren would have been like.  But, she doesn't get that future.  
It is only the now...

xxLiz


31 comments:

  1. I love reading your blog. You speak to me and my true feelings of being a mom. I am THAT mom too, but I am not lucky enough to stay-at-home with them:( I pray that I display patience and gratitude for them each and every day. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. I did not know you had your own blog!!!! Thanks for commenting- it's nice to know I'm not alone. ;)

      Delete
  2. I would tell you to keep soaking them up!!
    You DO only get the NOW!! We are never promised tomorrow and when you have to bury your child it hits you SMACK IN THE FACE!!!!

    The dishes will wait, dinner can be just a sandwich if it means you are making precious memories with your family!

    They won't remember what you made for dinner, but they will remember that you played with them and loved on them as often as possible!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you have no idea how much i think of you. so often, when i look at liam, i think of your layla and what she would be like. here before too long, you will have an eternity to love on her. ;)

      Delete
  3. Your family could not be any cuter! :) Adorable pictures. Stopping by from the GFC Collective, and I'd love for you to visit my blog if you get the chance. Have a wonderful week!

    xo,
    Stephanie
    Diary of a Debutante
    www.stephanieziajka.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  4. hi, i'm following the "GFC" blog hop. i would love for you to visit my blog and follow if you like it.

    http://www.blackinkpaperie.blogspot.com

    thanks
    new follower bev

    ReplyDelete
  5. beautiful post. thats exactly what a mom should be doing. my 3 are in their 20's now, and I am their shadow. I HAVE to talk to them everyday either by phone or txt. I just HAVE to know that they are ok, and I HAVE to tell them I love them and am so proud of them. Because, you are right, we only have this moment. We don't know what the next moment brings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for your insight, gin. it is nice to see moms who feel the same as me. :)

      Delete
  6. What a lovely post, and so true... we do only have NOW and we need to make the most of it!

    Thank you so much for linking up at my Oh HAPPY Day Party! You are an inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Stopping by from the Whatever Wednesday Blog Hop. Thanks for sharing! http://queenofsavings.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am THAT MOM too! I think it's completely normal!

    One of my best friends said good-bye to her 3 month old baby girl this past December. She joined team Heaven too.

    So even if we are both clingy, over-protective mothers, it's just because we are in love with our children. We never know what is going to happen tomorrow!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi there! I have ventured over from Linkin’ with the Ladies hop. I'm enjoying this little peek into your world! Just lovely!

    I’m hosting a super duper group giveaway, on my blog. Don’t miss out! And if you’d like to be a co-host on my next giveaway, I would be honored!

    XOXO, Mandi @ All My Happy Endings

    ReplyDelete
  10. oh you spoke words right out of my own momma heart. thank you for sharing so openly! :)

    i am thrilled to be your newest follower!

    happy thursday to you!
    xoxo.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just found your blog through caseys! What a great little post! I feel the same way. I don't get to stay home but I do HOLD MINE TIGHT! Too tight??? NO SUCH THING! Hold 'em tight girlie! That's why He gave them to us! New follower!

    ReplyDelete
  12. What a very lovely reminder to enjoy living in the moment and to count every one of those as a blessing. I hope that God would be pleased with my efforts, not always convinced! Found you through the bloghop :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love this post, and your blog, and your HAIR! Such true words. THANK YOU for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You have a lovely family and a lovely blog!Following from A lovely Blog Hop.

    New follower ,following with GFC
    GabsG(beautymadness)
    http://beautymadn3ss.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  15. "My babes aren't promised to me for a lifetime. They are only promised to me for the moment."

    I totally agree. i love this post because i can relate being that kind of mum too :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. and you have a such a lovely family :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for your words. stop by again soon!

      Delete
  17. Such a beautiful post! I get told frequently the same thing and you put into words my thoughts :) I will be "following" you and look forward to reading more!
    www.mimishouse2005.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. In all aspects of life we only have NOW, so by all means, live it fully to your heart's content. And if it means being with those adorable children then that's what you're meant to do. Here from the Weekend Showcase Blog hop and enjoying your post. BB2U

    ReplyDelete
  19. Wow, My husband just told me a story tonight that has been in the news and I probably just decided not to pay attention to this particular story, but it was about these two teenagers who shot a mom and her thirteen month old son while they were out on a walk. My heart ached when he told me this story and I cried. I like you could not imagine leaving my little ones in the care of another. I did for an oh so short period of time, then quit my high paying job to be home with my boys. I don't regret it. How could I? Life is too too short and I didn't want anyone else to get those first moments, those first smiles, laughs and footsteps and this cruel cruel world...I just really fear what is happening and how often this stuff happens. I am scared. No one should have to bury their baby.

    I love the raw emotions in your post here! Stopping by from the weekend showcase, sorry I'm a day late!

    ReplyDelete
  20. What a moving post - it is so easy to forget to live in every moment.

    Thanks so much for linking up at the Friday Baby Shower Alice xxx

    ReplyDelete