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Bittersweet Beginnings and Endings


Can you ever have enough pictures of sleeping babies?  
I mean, really...
what is better than warm, sweet cheeks and poochy lips?
Nothing in my book!

I watch her sleep during her *occasional* morning nap
and wonder how I will do it all over again.
I am not worried about loving another baby,
or how he/she will fit into our family.
I am worried how I will handle watching my sleeping baby for the last time.
I get to relish in her sweetness and watch her little tummy rise and fall,
all the while knowing that I will experience this all over again.

But, this next time...
is the final time for us.
It will then be time to move forward and enjoy the season ahead.
I am mentally and emotionally preparing myself because I know it will be a difficult transition for me.
The last three times we had babies, I knew there was a significant possibility 
that we would be blessed with another baby to love in the future.

I know it's good to move forward.
I was just talking with some women the other day
 and they discussed taking notes 
of all the funny and sweet things my kids do/did when they were young.
Just for memories' sake.

I don't do that.
I don't jot down all the things that I am sure I am going to wish, 
twenty years from now, I had taken the time to jot down.
If I do,
I will never be able to move forward.
I will read all those things and beg for the past because it was such a special and fleeting time.

One day, I will regret it.
I am sure.
But, it is a coping mechanism for now.
It is what I have to do to move forward.

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