and looking at a missionary postcard I have tucked behind the cotton balls on the bathroom counter.
I put it there so I will remember to pray for the family any time I am at my sink.
I was whispering a short prayer in my mind for the family-
the father has terminal brain cancer and they serve in a very dangerous
part of Africa as far as animals/reptiles are concerned.
As I was giving God the weight that was on my heart for this family I thought,
"What am I doing to bring him glory?"
What am I doing?
I pray over this blog.
I pray that I will open my mouth (virtually speaking) and His name will be glorified among the nations.
I never know how he will use me, but I pray that he does.
As I was praying for this missionary family,
I realized that I don't put myself "out there" enough in regards to this space.
I worry too much about how people will perceive me.
Will those who know me in "real life" see me differently?
Will I come off as "holier than thou" when I am really just a sinner in need?
Will I be humble enough to show the messy parts of this life I have been given?
Can I bear to have people know how far I fall short on a daily basis?
Will people who visit here like me- mess and all?
I don't know the answers to those questions.
But, I want God to use me.
I want to love Him enough to be a vessel for his work.
I want to love Him enough to not worry about what people think of me,
for if I am truly reflecting The Light, many people will hate me just as they hate Him.
I want to love Jesus that much.
In all honesty, my words mean nothing if they don't shine light on the most important One
in the Universe.
I hope to be more open in this space and not worry about what then tens of thousands of readers
who click through this space every month think of me.
It will be tough.
I have always used this space to encourage those who are in the trenches of motherhood,
or are about to enter into them.
I still want to encourage,
but I want to be more intentional about where the encouragement comes from.
I want motherhood to be seen as an incredible blessing,
but not more so than a relationship with Jesus.