Sometimes, on this here blog, I put myself out there. I hesitate to hit “publish” because I know there will be judgement, resistance, opinions. I judge myself enough on my own, I don’t think my heart can handle much more from outsiders.
A little history… Mark and I went to public school. We both had great experiences. When we wanted to start a family, our intentions were to raise our kids just like we were raised. Our kids would go to public school and turn out fine- just like us.
Fast forward three years. Ella was three and we were prepared to send her to school that next fall for preschool. I am pretty sure I had even discussed with a friend that homeschooling wasn’t my thing. I stumbled across some scripture one night. I, of course, wasn’t looking to be convicted about our education decisions for our children- I already had that figured out. The scripture (that I wasn’t looking for- remember) opened up my heart in a way I didn’t know it could. I was nervous, overwhelmed, joyous, and a whole slew of emotions beyond just those few I listed.
See, when someone (that someone would be me) who had no exposure to homeschooling gets convicted to teach and train her kids herself! Well, let me just say, I felt an immense amount of pressure on my shoulders. A lot happens when you homeschool. A lot of great things happen. A lot of special moments get to be experienced when you are home with your kids every day.
Something else that happens, is that you have to let go of dreams you had for your child. The dreams of all the school plays and concerts they would be a part of- you with your camera in hand to capture every phrase and movement. The dreams of seeing your child walk through the school doors for the first time as they enter a world they have never experienced before. The dreams of watching your precious little strap on their back pack and head out to the bus. The dreams of hearing their teachers rave about how great their science project turned out- you know, the one with the spinning planets, orbiting the sun. There are dreams- and, they get lost.
Let me explain to you- it hurts to lose those dreams. I wanted those dreams so badly. They were my dreams… But, nothing compares to watching your kids interact and care for one another in such a sincere, gentle way. Nothing compares to having your child on the counter every morning as you prepare meals. Nothing compares to hearing your child recite their Bible verses and learn how to read.
Homeschooling is a journey that I didn’t sign up for. Luckily, God did- and I am doing my best to be obedient. I am running the race as if for the Lord. It is a race that I know many people don’t understand. It is a race that I don’t even understand, but it is my race, none-the-less.
Have you ever had an experience… where God stopped you in your tracks and completely redirected you?